alzheimer's is a cruel joke

I have barely a relationship with my Mom now. It is so difficult to talk with her, you can see in her eyes that she can't process what you are saying. Everything has to be simple and directed at something she knows. Like my children. when I remind her, she remembers my kids. She is a shadow of the woman she was. I remember her days of being smart, opinionated, with a cute sense of humor. Old fashioned, yes, we didn't always see eye to eye, but we did many times. She was a go getter, and had strong common sense. Now she is childlike and can't remember much of anything. I wish I had asked her more about old stories of my grandparents. It's too late now. all that history is lost. She doesn't really remember my Daddy anymore. Tragic, the love of her life. She sees his photo and asks what happened to him. I wonder if she recalls my sister Teri, who died. I don't know. I don't bring it up.
I hesistate to spend much time with her and I know that is wrong. It's just exhausting. She asked me how many kids I have after spending a whole day with them. Her retention is zero. It's so unfair. I miss her laugh.