where Daddy go?

tonight Jake asked me "where Daddy go?"  I mumbled something about Daddy having to go away. "did he go to his show?" God bless this boy.
my cousin asked me if I am ever not sad. of course I am. my kids make me laugh so much. Emily calls me a slut and it makes my day. all I need is to share a DQ blizzard with AJ and it's a great time. and Jake says so many funny things. it's really amazing.
no I am not always sad. but I am always missing him.

winter

Jake is potty trained.
Jake is 3.
AJ's in another season of travel baseball.
Emily is at FSU.
I am nowhere basically.
appreciating my friends, noticing which ones have pulled away from me and which ones have pulled me close. might not have predicted it correctly but it's interesting to note.
seasons change.
he's still not here.
I'm raising another child on my own. never thought that would be the case.
dieting now. I went from horrifically thin to tubby. saw Tovah's wonderful success on Jenny Craig and instantly joined her. it's not bad.
I hate HAVING to diet though. I resent it.
but nothing ventured, nothing gained. (or lost. ha ha ha)
I will feel better when I am again thin.

lonely is a life without love. I am lonely down to my toes. it's so hard to deal with. to reconcile. to get used to.