random november thoughts 2010

time is becoming a weird mix of very fast and so slow all within the same days. I am really so lonely for Bruce lately, maybe because it's his birthday month, maybe because his son is so amazing, maybe it's because I just miss him. Time goes by and I think of all the things I want to say to him. I so understand that kind of statement now with a greater depth and clarity than ever. so many things. we were being so brave, there is so much we didn't say. and of course I can't now. I can't tell him the gift he gave me, the gift of such complete love...the look in his eyes, always excited to see me, even at my worst. and he did see it all. How did I get to this place.

lonely for Emily too. glad she is in college but did it have to be so far away? I mean, really? She is my partner in crime.

Jake will be four on Valentine's Day. incredible. What a crime that he will not remember sitting on his Daddy's lap.