it keeps biting my ass

I knew I owed them money. I knew I'd have to pay them. in this new life of lawsuits, debts, debt collectors, bills, etc I had lost in court to Amex to the tune of $5600. what I didn't know was they'd garnish my bank account to go get it. I thought they'd send some official envelope instructing me where to send the money. not so much. they kept quiet and then when they tired of that- poof-my bank accounts frozen. including my daughter's. she's away at school and can't go to publix because of the mess of my former life. the dribs and drabs that remain and sneak up to bite my ass when I least expect it. When I am working three jobs and feeling productive and actually feeling more alive than I have in a long time...WHAM. not even given a chance to duck. that's playing mean. lousy lousy bullshit. I am so tired of this shit resurfacing...
they don't care that my husband died and I lost my house and I lost my business and I have three kids...they really don't. do I owe the money? yes. am I able to pay in the way I was before? no. priorities. I'd rather pay for preschool and groceries and college tuition and baseball. sorry. feeling like a big mess this evening. feeling like try as I might I will never dig out. and that's the way it is. Cooper City 2010.